My story starts somewhere around the time that Scott and I were planning to wed. We had the "how many kids do you want" discussion and he wanted 2 (coming from a family of 2 kiddos) and I wanted 4 (coming from a family of 3 kiddos). We compromised at 3, but all along I've still clung to the hope that somehow, we would end up with 4. When I was pregnant with Aleah, for some reason I got in my head that I wanted twins. So that was my prayer for years. When Scott found out, he asked me to stop praying for twins, because I knew how badly he didn't want that. We had Bruce and I really didn't want twins then because then I knew Scott would be done having kiddos. So, yes, I did stop praying for twins, but I would always think, say, and pray, "God knows the desires of my heart.(Biblical, right?)" Since our 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up in December, I thought that December would be a wonderful time to start trying for that 3rd one. However, on my birthday, June 1, I was having quiet time before church, and I finally read the verse about the "desires of my heart." Here's the actual verse. Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." It hit me like a ton of bricks. I've been living my life claiming that God would give me the desires of my heart, but never knew that I first needed to delight in Him.
I feel like that is when I saw a change start to happen in our lives. Within two weeks, God provided a way for me to stay at home for the summer by baby sitting for a friend since she needed to go back to work for a short time. God worked out EVERYTHING!! From the timing, to the pay, to the time off from work, to wonderful weather that we could spend most days outside with the sprinkler, and wading pool, to being available for Aleah's first days of Kindergarten.
At the same time, our church was actively pursuing Scott to take the Technical Director position at church. I saw God work in Scott's life and mine in amazing ways. Scott was happy where he was. He loved the relationships he was building there. He loved everything about it. However, I also knew that he had always wanted to work for a church or ministry. I refused to let him turn down the position until I knew that he had prayed through it. When we started to pray together about it, I saw God working and take Scott to a position of ultimately wanting what God wanted. That meant time for a new job.
***WARNING: this paragraph may contain somethings that men could care less about. :) On August 6, I had some pain in my abdomen. I attributed it to ovulation, since sometimes I do have pain that time of the month. Well, it continued on the next day and then again on Friday, August 8. By that time, I knew something was wrong. I NEVER have pain for 3 days like that, and since I've been charting my body for a year, I knew I wasn't pregnant since my body said that I ovulated on Friday and the pain started on Wednesday. Since I was going out of town on Saturday, I scheduled an appointment with my doc so that I didn't worry about it. After some poking, prodding, and questions, the doc said, "Well, I hesitate to give you meds for bladder stuff just in case you're pregnant." (He said the pain could be implantation pain. Funny, I've never had that before.) I laughed out loud. Something else I had always said, was that I wouldn't have another baby in April. Aleah was born the 18th, my aunt's is the 1st, my cousin's little one is on the 23rd, and last year, my niece was born on the 11th. So I laughed, knowing that if I were pregnant, I would again have an April baby. It was not a laugh of scoffing, but of, "God, you are too funny."
Nine days later, on Scott's birthday, August 17, we had our first positive pregnancy test. Another one the next day, and a third on the 21st. This was also the week that I started to have many fears. I have a friend who found out at 14 weeks, that their baby would never survive outside the womb, and probably not even past 24 - 26 weeks. Amazingly enough, God gave them and hour and a half with their baby boy after the c-section delivery at 36 weeks. Another friend who stayed in the hospital on bed rest for months, so that her baby girl could have a fighting chance even with no amniotic fluid. She almost lost her life when they delivered the baby. Again, God saved her and her baby who is now passing 6 months old. Then, one of my newest friends had a blighted ovum just about six weeks before I found out I was pregnant.
Fear began to grip me. So, on one of those days that week, I just had to pray out loud..."God, I trust you if this ends in a miscarriage, I trust you if it ends with a perfectly healthy baby, I trust you if if ends without the perfectly healthy baby. I trust you with how to pay for this baby." (since we didn't have a maternity rider at the time) I covered all my bases. That Saturday, August 23, I started to feel funny. The week following I had nauseousness pretty much all week. After that started the puking pretty much every day. There was a week in September that I had spotting and the fear set in again. I went back to the prayer I prayed in August and just reminded myself that I had already told the Lord that I trusted Him, so there was no going back. I trusted Him and that was that. I couldn't let my mind wander to the bad things, because in the end, I knew that I trusted Him if the pregnancy didn't progress. During my week of spotting, I began to thank that Lord for the puking. It meant that my hormones were still doing what they were supposed to do. I think that week was also the week that I found out I really did want this baby. I would've been devastated if I had lost the baby.
Throughout this time was when Scott said yes to the church. He started September 15, and with benefits starting 30 days later. We couldn't believe how God worked out the finances. Even though we didn't go down in pay, we knew that it would be a tough road financially to pay for this baby without the insurance. We found out that we would be paying a considerable amount less in insurance premiums each month, and I thought, "Okay God, so now I know how we will pay for my doc. Thank you, Lord!" A few weeks ago, we found out that our new insurance should cover the baby anyway. I still have a few doubts, but when we go to our first appointment on October 22, we will know for sure how all that will work out. We waited a little longer to have the first appointment to be sure that our insurance was in effect. My due date is May 1, but since Bruce was so big at 3 weeks early, more than likely, it will be April. I've already looked at the calendar and noticed that Good Friday is April 10th. Hmm...Aleah was born on Good Friday. :)
So, I know our journey doesn't end here, but that is as far as it goes right now. I am so excited to see what God has planned for our lives in the next year. My pregnancy has been completely different this time around. I was nauseous that last 2 times, but only puked when I accidentally gagged myself brushing my teeth. What does that mean? My hormones are working great and I'm pregnant!! Some days I just detest that toilet bowl, but I'm so thankful that God chose me to carry this child. I'll be going back to work at the credit union on November 3rd as an assistant to the Human Resource person. This is another credit to God, because when I left at the end of June, I was really tired of working as a teller. God worked it out so that I would have something to look forward to when I returned.
What I've learned this summer: God loves me enough to give me the desires of my heart, but only in HIS timing, not mine. I'm trying to figure out if I still want those twins. :)
Thanks for listening.
